Are you considering applying to graduate school? Are you sure? You really want to do that to yourself? OK, fair enough, it's your choice. Let's talk about the application process and walk through it together. These tips apply to humanities students, but I'm sure the general concepts also apply to the sciences.
1. Pick a field and a degree goal. This may seem obvious, but sometimes in the humanities we can be unsure as to which particular field we want to earn our advanced degrees in. For example, you might have to choose between classical archaeology, Classics (philology), Classical Studies, Comparative Literature, etc. You better fucking decide which one you want: do you want a terminal MA with a teaching certification? Do you want a terminal MA in both languages, or only one? Do you want a PhD that is more interdisciplinary or strictly traditional old-school style? Do you want a marketable degree that is more likely to get you a real job, or do you want to follow your passion and stick with Comp Lit? Fucking decide, asshole.
2. Once you've chosen your field, you better fucking decide why you want to do it. Write that shit down. Go into detail, motherfucker. Take lots of notes on why you want to do it and how you want to do it. This will be the basis of your Personal Statement, or Statement of Purpose.
3. Pick a goddamn writing sample. Make sure it's really fucking good, and you got an A on it. If you don't have a stellar example of your research and writing prowess, then what the fuck are you doing looking at grad schools?
4. Pick a bunch of programs you might want to go to. You can start by checking out where your favorite professors got their degrees, and you can also ask your adviser/mentor for suggestions. You'll want to gather a list of your ideal (top-tier) programs, and a few that are more like safety-schools. Acceptances are basically a fucking crapshoot. If you have perfect fucking GRE scores, then you don't need safety schools, but if you're a normal goddamn human being, then you better have a few.
5. Oh yeah, take the fucking GRE. Take that shit like twice if you have to. It's bullshit, but you have to play the game, or you won't get anywhere.
6. Look at your transcripts, asshole. Seriously, look at that shit. You're going to be sending them to all these programs, so you better know what they're going to see.
7. Get your CV in shape. Ask your adviser to look over your CV and point out your idiocies. That shit is important as fuck.
8. Write your statement of purpose. This may take many hours, many many hours. Ask people to look at it, have it extensively edited. This is motherfucking important, asshole. This shit is how the admissions committee will get a sense of who you are as a person, aside from numbers and grades in a dossier. It should include information about what you've done, what you're doing, and what you want to do. Academic and career goals are vital. Your SOP should be tailored to each individual program, and you should sure as shit be name-dropping left and right like it's your goddamn job.
9. Get fucking organized. Seriously. Make a spreadsheet or something. Keep yourself organized throughout the whole process, and things will go smoothly. Write down all the deadlines and make sure you get on that shit ahead of time.
10. Find the money for the applications. Pull the cash out of your ass, get a credit card with a year of 0% interest, beg your parents, whore yourself out to the community, dip into your savings, sell that tenor sax you'll never have to time to play again. Do whatever it takes, because this shit is fucking expensive as hell. Each application has a fee, and it costs to send transcripts and GRE scores.
11. Deal with the stress. You're going to hate this process, and yourself while it happens, until you are fully committed to a program (probably in April). This shit is fucking stressful. Find something that helps you deal, whether it's running, weightlifting, dwarf-tossing, eating candy, cleaning the house, baking, writing a cynical blog post, having nasty rough sex, or whatever else helps you relieve the tension. Otherwise you might lose your damn mind.
12. Accept failure before you submit the applications. Try to remain optimistic, especially when applying to your top 3. But seriously, you're going to be able to plaster your wall with rejection letters in a few months. Get real. You're not perfect for every single program. Don't take it personally. Suck it up and accept defeat, and realize that you're not a brilliant scholar (yet). And if you do get accepted to every program you apply to, fuck you.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Vegan Health Part III: Sexy Times
Sex: it's awesome. You should do it frequently, and always do it safely. If you are vegan, this may raise some questions and concerns. In this post I will give a quick and dirty overview of how to practice safe vegan sex, to protect your health while you obey your ravenous libido.
Are condoms vegan?
Most of them are not. This brand is: Glyde.
Where can I get condoms?
Many places, my friends. If you are a student at UIUC, go to McKinley, to the Resource Desk, straight ahead when you first walk in. Scan your I-Card and ask for them! They are totally free. I'm willing to bet that any university has a similar service. If you can't get them from there, you can get them at drug stores, grocery stores, gas stations, even the interweb. By the way, it's ok to use non-vegan condoms if your budget is a concern. Don't feel guilty about your purity or whatever. It's better that you use a condom than not.
Is lube vegan?
Most commercial lubes are not. Here are a handful that are, with links to buy them if you can't find them in local stores:
Good Clean Love
Encounter
Sliquid Organics
Hathor
Emerita
What about toys?
These are some places to get toys and accessories which are ethically produced:
The Sensual Vegan
Vegan Erotica
The Vegan Sex Shop
How often should I use a condom?
EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TIME.
How do I bring up safety with my partner? Is it awkward?
Seriously, if you are considering any sort of contact with someone's boy- or lady-parts, you need to bring this up in conversation ahead of time. You can do it over a romantic dinner, over drinks, at a movie, over coffee, while the clothing is still on, while the clothing is coming off, or at any point leading up to "stick it in!". Just make sure you at least talk about it before consummating your lust: "I'm clean, are you clean? When's the last time you got tested? Got the condoms?" Any responsible partner will gladly answer these questions, if s/he hasn't already asked you the very same.
Do vegans taste different?
Yes.
Can a vegan still swallow baby batter?
That depends on why you're vegan. If you do it strictly to avoid consuming any animal products whatsoever, then no. If you do it for sustainability reasons, then yes. If you do it for the animals, then yes. There is generally no cruelty involved in producing baby batter, so go for it. But use caution: if said baby batter comes from a non-vegan, it might have adverse affects on your stomach which is not used to processing animal proteins.
But seriously, a condom every time?
YES. EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TIME.
Now. Go forth and have some fun, safe sex. Any questions, don't hesitate to ask (in the comments or by email).
Are condoms vegan?
Most of them are not. This brand is: Glyde.
Where can I get condoms?
Many places, my friends. If you are a student at UIUC, go to McKinley, to the Resource Desk, straight ahead when you first walk in. Scan your I-Card and ask for them! They are totally free. I'm willing to bet that any university has a similar service. If you can't get them from there, you can get them at drug stores, grocery stores, gas stations, even the interweb. By the way, it's ok to use non-vegan condoms if your budget is a concern. Don't feel guilty about your purity or whatever. It's better that you use a condom than not.
Is lube vegan?
Most commercial lubes are not. Here are a handful that are, with links to buy them if you can't find them in local stores:
Good Clean Love
Encounter
Sliquid Organics
Hathor
Emerita
What about toys?
These are some places to get toys and accessories which are ethically produced:
The Sensual Vegan
Vegan Erotica
The Vegan Sex Shop
How often should I use a condom?
EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TIME.
How do I bring up safety with my partner? Is it awkward?
Seriously, if you are considering any sort of contact with someone's boy- or lady-parts, you need to bring this up in conversation ahead of time. You can do it over a romantic dinner, over drinks, at a movie, over coffee, while the clothing is still on, while the clothing is coming off, or at any point leading up to "stick it in!". Just make sure you at least talk about it before consummating your lust: "I'm clean, are you clean? When's the last time you got tested? Got the condoms?" Any responsible partner will gladly answer these questions, if s/he hasn't already asked you the very same.
Do vegans taste different?
Yes.
Can a vegan still swallow baby batter?
That depends on why you're vegan. If you do it strictly to avoid consuming any animal products whatsoever, then no. If you do it for sustainability reasons, then yes. If you do it for the animals, then yes. There is generally no cruelty involved in producing baby batter, so go for it. But use caution: if said baby batter comes from a non-vegan, it might have adverse affects on your stomach which is not used to processing animal proteins.
But seriously, a condom every time?
YES. EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TIME.
Now. Go forth and have some fun, safe sex. Any questions, don't hesitate to ask (in the comments or by email).
Monday, October 3, 2011
Vegan Health Part the Second: Nutrition Follow-up
I received the other results from my blood tests: my B12 level is fine, but my vitamin D level is a bit low (27, when normal is >30). Looks like I have to add a supplement in addition to my daily multivitamin. The recommended solution is 1000 units per day of vitamin D; I picked up an inexpensive bottle of vegan supplements. Problem solved!
Monday, September 26, 2011
Vegan Health: on Nutrition
Just a quick post: I asked my doctor to check my vitamin and mineral levels, after a friend expressed concern over my vegan diet and the supposed lack of nutrients.
Thus far, the test results have shown that my iron count is "within normal limits". That's right, people, you can get all the iron you need without any animal products!
And it says that my "complete blood count" is also "within normal limits", which means I have the right amount of red and white cells and platelets. [thanks, Wikipedia]
Full disclosure: I take a daily multivitamin to supplement the B12 that doesn't occur naturally in a plant-based diet. And taking a supplement does not make a person weak or indicate malnourishment: it's a smart thing to do no matter what type of diet you choose to follow. Taking a daily supplement is generally a good idea, especially since most Americans (meat-eating or not) don't get enough of the vitamins and minerals they need from their food. Just do your research and understand what you're ingesting: you don't want to overdo it on some minerals and vitamins, and if you're vegan you don't want to take pills that have animal products in them.
I'll keep you updated as more test results are reported. The other tests are for B12 and vitamin D levels.
Oh yeah, also, look at this healthy eating plate constructed by the geniuses at Harvard: it's better than the USDA eating plate, because it is non-political, and it allows for vegetarians and vegans to feel included. Plus it's basically an image of what we eat at Harvest House every night. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't eat so much great, healthy food if I didn't live there. HARVEST LUV 4-EVA
Thus far, the test results have shown that my iron count is "within normal limits". That's right, people, you can get all the iron you need without any animal products!
And it says that my "complete blood count" is also "within normal limits", which means I have the right amount of red and white cells and platelets. [thanks, Wikipedia]
Full disclosure: I take a daily multivitamin to supplement the B12 that doesn't occur naturally in a plant-based diet. And taking a supplement does not make a person weak or indicate malnourishment: it's a smart thing to do no matter what type of diet you choose to follow. Taking a daily supplement is generally a good idea, especially since most Americans (meat-eating or not) don't get enough of the vitamins and minerals they need from their food. Just do your research and understand what you're ingesting: you don't want to overdo it on some minerals and vitamins, and if you're vegan you don't want to take pills that have animal products in them.
I'll keep you updated as more test results are reported. The other tests are for B12 and vitamin D levels.
Oh yeah, also, look at this healthy eating plate constructed by the geniuses at Harvard: it's better than the USDA eating plate, because it is non-political, and it allows for vegetarians and vegans to feel included. Plus it's basically an image of what we eat at Harvest House every night. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't eat so much great, healthy food if I didn't live there. HARVEST LUV 4-EVA
Retail Therapy
Do you love to shop? Do you like to do things to help save the planet? Luckily for you, and me, we can now combine our two passions in life by purchasing items from responsible, eco-friendly, sustainable sources. If you're like me, not just any old "green" shit will do, either. I don't want to buy something that looks heinous but saves the planet. Why bother saving the planet if you're going to look like shit doing it? I don't want to live on a planet where people wear fugly shoes in the name of environmentalism. I'd rather we spend a little more on products that are higher quality, beautifully made, and relatively fashionable. Here are a few places to get started, and feel free to add any of your favorites not mentioned here in the comments.
Econscious Market: on this website you can find many great options for whatever you might be in the market for, and a portion of each sale is donated to a charity of your choice.
ModCloth: here you can find cute vegan clothing, shoes, and accessories for affordable prices. They don't have the greatest number of sizes to offer, but if you fall within the usual S-XL spectrum, you'll find something that will fit.
Alternative Outfitters: the classic source for vegan shoes and accessories, for both men and women.
Etsy: NO FUCKING DUH. Here are a few of my favorite Etsy shops:
Homemade Soy Candles
Julep115 vegan jewelry (made from recycled materials, by a vegan!)
EmmyBean jewelry (ok so she's not vegan, but Emmy makes beautiful one-of-a-kind pieces, and she's my BFF's sister)
Fresh Words Market. paper goods made with recycled materials and printed with soy ink.
OlsenHaus: gorgeous, comfortable shoes, designed by a vegan, made with (vegan) recycled materials. Fret not, my friends: you can get them around 60% off list price on Amazon.
Cherry Berry: vegan designer handbags, which I love, but can't afford currently. But I want you all to realize that beautiful handbags need not be constructed from animal skins!
Herbivore Clothing: if you want to broadcast your environmentalism to the world, with words on your clothing, go here. You can also do that with PETA's catalog. There is nothing wrong with wearing your heart on your sleeve like this, but you don't always need everyone to know how you think meat is murder. For instance, you probably shouldn't wear this shirt while you're teaching a Latin class.
And speaking of PETA, if you want to see a comprehensive shopping guide for cruelty-free fashion, check out their Guide to Compassionate Clothing. You may be thinking, but I thought PETA wanted women to be naked all the time? This, sadly, is not true. They only do the naked stuff for the sake of publicity; too many people do not realize how much good they do for animals outside those campaigns.
If you want sweaters without animal products (hello, wool, cashmere, angora, mohair, alpaca, etc) try somewhere like Old Navy, which is affordable although their manufacturing processes might be questionable. It's hard to find a compromise between animal rights and human rights, but usually if a retailer is emphasizing animal rights, the human rights fall in line. Shit, if you can find a place that has cute, cotton sweaters and practices eco-friendly production, and does not have sweatshops, holla at your girl.
For outerwear, go with Patagonia. They use recycled and recyclable materials with a sustainable manufacturing process. Sure their clothes are a bit more expensive than like North Face, but come on. Fuck the North Face. Those assholes let the quality slip once they got popular about 8-10 yrs ago. Patagonia is the way to go for saving the planet and staying warm and dry.
Thrift stores: also, fucking duh. Find one near you and go nuts. If you must have leather and wool, at least buy it second-hand!
Zappos: yes, friends, your favorite shoe store can help you save the planet. Simply choose brands that are eco-friendly, like Stella McCartney for Adidas, Vans, KEEN, Simple, Chaco, Merrell, even Birkenstock and Puma. OK so some of these shoes are cuter than others, and some are downright fug. But it can't hurt to do a quick search for "vegan" or "eco-friendly" and see what's in season. Often a major brand, like saucony or adidas, will have one or two styles that are made for people like us, from recycled earth-friendly materials. And it's pretty easy to find vegan-friendly running/athletic shoes, as most of those are made of synthetic materials for the sake of ventilation and being light-weight.
And obviously VeganStore.com and VeganEssentials.com. duh.
And last but certainly not least: VEGAN CHOCOLATE. Buy it from this Brooklyn-based shop and all the net profits go to animal rescue organizations! You're helping homeless animals by feeding your addiction!
If you're not sure why you can't be an environmentalist if you still eat meat, start by looking at this article and this one too and maybe even this one. Even if you don't care about animal rights, you should at least care about the devastating effects of factory farming on the environment. After all, if the planet goes to shit, where are you going to keep your stuff?
Econscious Market: on this website you can find many great options for whatever you might be in the market for, and a portion of each sale is donated to a charity of your choice.
ModCloth: here you can find cute vegan clothing, shoes, and accessories for affordable prices. They don't have the greatest number of sizes to offer, but if you fall within the usual S-XL spectrum, you'll find something that will fit.
Alternative Outfitters: the classic source for vegan shoes and accessories, for both men and women.
Etsy: NO FUCKING DUH. Here are a few of my favorite Etsy shops:
Homemade Soy Candles
Julep115 vegan jewelry (made from recycled materials, by a vegan!)
EmmyBean jewelry (ok so she's not vegan, but Emmy makes beautiful one-of-a-kind pieces, and she's my BFF's sister)
Fresh Words Market. paper goods made with recycled materials and printed with soy ink.
OlsenHaus: gorgeous, comfortable shoes, designed by a vegan, made with (vegan) recycled materials. Fret not, my friends: you can get them around 60% off list price on Amazon.
Cherry Berry: vegan designer handbags, which I love, but can't afford currently. But I want you all to realize that beautiful handbags need not be constructed from animal skins!
Herbivore Clothing: if you want to broadcast your environmentalism to the world, with words on your clothing, go here. You can also do that with PETA's catalog. There is nothing wrong with wearing your heart on your sleeve like this, but you don't always need everyone to know how you think meat is murder. For instance, you probably shouldn't wear this shirt while you're teaching a Latin class.
And speaking of PETA, if you want to see a comprehensive shopping guide for cruelty-free fashion, check out their Guide to Compassionate Clothing. You may be thinking, but I thought PETA wanted women to be naked all the time? This, sadly, is not true. They only do the naked stuff for the sake of publicity; too many people do not realize how much good they do for animals outside those campaigns.
If you want sweaters without animal products (hello, wool, cashmere, angora, mohair, alpaca, etc) try somewhere like Old Navy, which is affordable although their manufacturing processes might be questionable. It's hard to find a compromise between animal rights and human rights, but usually if a retailer is emphasizing animal rights, the human rights fall in line. Shit, if you can find a place that has cute, cotton sweaters and practices eco-friendly production, and does not have sweatshops, holla at your girl.
For outerwear, go with Patagonia. They use recycled and recyclable materials with a sustainable manufacturing process. Sure their clothes are a bit more expensive than like North Face, but come on. Fuck the North Face. Those assholes let the quality slip once they got popular about 8-10 yrs ago. Patagonia is the way to go for saving the planet and staying warm and dry.
Thrift stores: also, fucking duh. Find one near you and go nuts. If you must have leather and wool, at least buy it second-hand!
Zappos: yes, friends, your favorite shoe store can help you save the planet. Simply choose brands that are eco-friendly, like Stella McCartney for Adidas, Vans, KEEN, Simple, Chaco, Merrell, even Birkenstock and Puma. OK so some of these shoes are cuter than others, and some are downright fug. But it can't hurt to do a quick search for "vegan" or "eco-friendly" and see what's in season. Often a major brand, like saucony or adidas, will have one or two styles that are made for people like us, from recycled earth-friendly materials. And it's pretty easy to find vegan-friendly running/athletic shoes, as most of those are made of synthetic materials for the sake of ventilation and being light-weight.
And obviously VeganStore.com and VeganEssentials.com. duh.
And last but certainly not least: VEGAN CHOCOLATE. Buy it from this Brooklyn-based shop and all the net profits go to animal rescue organizations! You're helping homeless animals by feeding your addiction!
If you're not sure why you can't be an environmentalist if you still eat meat, start by looking at this article and this one too and maybe even this one. Even if you don't care about animal rights, you should at least care about the devastating effects of factory farming on the environment. After all, if the planet goes to shit, where are you going to keep your stuff?
Monday, August 8, 2011
Ode to Garlic Bread
Oh Garlic Bread
How I cherish you
With your soft, savory middle
And your crispy, crumbly crust
Made with animal-friendly butter
And fresh pressed garlic
You go into the oven like any other bread
And come out as pieces of Heaven
Your delicious aroma floats through the house
And beckons me to dinner
You are the perfect compliment to minestrone
Or anything, really, with tomatoes
I love you in a grilled cheese
And with my spaghetti
I love you with my chili
And whenever the day ends in -y
Because you taste so good, Garlic Bread,
I will never stop loving you.
You complete me.
How I cherish you
With your soft, savory middle
And your crispy, crumbly crust
Made with animal-friendly butter
And fresh pressed garlic
You go into the oven like any other bread
And come out as pieces of Heaven
Your delicious aroma floats through the house
And beckons me to dinner
You are the perfect compliment to minestrone
Or anything, really, with tomatoes
I love you in a grilled cheese
And with my spaghetti
I love you with my chili
And whenever the day ends in -y
Because you taste so good, Garlic Bread,
I will never stop loving you.
You complete me.
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Now With More Head
Beer: I love it, and so do you. If you're vegan like me, it can be difficult to keep straight which beers are vegan-friendly and which are not. And some of you may be wondering, how is beer not vegan? Look at this great blog post from STAY VEGAN! for all your answers.
Here I present to you a short list of what it's ok for you to sip out of a tall glass or chug out of a red plastic cup. The original, exhaustive, list is here. Also at that link you can find vegan-friendly wines and liquors. The good news is that being vegan will never, ever keep you from getting your drink on! With vegan onion rings too!
Aviator Brewing Co.
Bayern Brewing
Becks
Chimay
Corona
Dos Equis
Flying Dog Brewery
George Killian's Irish Red
Goose Island Beer
Harpoon Brewery
Heineken
Hofbrauhaus Pittsburg
Homer Brewing Co.
Landshark Lager
Lucky Labrador Brewing Co.
Mad River Brewing
Magic Hat Brewing Co.
Mike's Hard Lemonade
Miller Coors Brewing
New Belgium Brewery
Pabst Brewing
Paulaner Brewery
Pennsylvania Brewing Co.
Pilsner Urquell
Rolling Rock
Sierra Nevada Brewing Co.
Smuttynose Brewing Co.
Straub Beer
The Amsterdam Brewing Co.
The Stroh Brewery Co.
Trappistes Rochefort
Weyerbacher Brewing Co.
Woodchuck Draft Cider
Yuengling Brewery
Here I present to you a short list of what it's ok for you to sip out of a tall glass or chug out of a red plastic cup. The original, exhaustive, list is here. Also at that link you can find vegan-friendly wines and liquors. The good news is that being vegan will never, ever keep you from getting your drink on! With vegan onion rings too!
Aviator Brewing Co.
Bayern Brewing
Becks
Chimay
Corona
Dos Equis
Flying Dog Brewery
George Killian's Irish Red
Goose Island Beer
Harpoon Brewery
Heineken
Hofbrauhaus Pittsburg
Homer Brewing Co.
Landshark Lager
Lucky Labrador Brewing Co.
Mad River Brewing
Magic Hat Brewing Co.
Mike's Hard Lemonade
Miller Coors Brewing
New Belgium Brewery
Pabst Brewing
Paulaner Brewery
Pennsylvania Brewing Co.
Pilsner Urquell
Rolling Rock
Sierra Nevada Brewing Co.
Smuttynose Brewing Co.
Straub Beer
The Amsterdam Brewing Co.
The Stroh Brewery Co.
Trappistes Rochefort
Weyerbacher Brewing Co.
Woodchuck Draft Cider
Yuengling Brewery
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